My Way To Depression

Let's try to describe in a few words how it is with me all went downhill from the first panic attack, through development avoidant behavior, all the way back up, which is not yet finished.

The first panic attack (as I remember) I experienced back in 1997. years, in the tram while going to work. It was a period where I was, at my first job, abused on a daily basis, and only in last year I got married, give birth and divorced. So stressful, in every aspect.

First
So I began to avoid the first intersection where it happened.
Second
Next I began to avoid trams (from understandable reasons above).
Third
Then I was crossing the tram and unconscious fears expanded to buses and other public transport.
Consequently (and I even had a driver), I squandered a bunch of money on a taxi.
4th
The following is what I began to fear became self-movement through the city, and then stay in office.
I started taking tranquilisers which I recieved from my GPs without any questions about my health.
5th
In the end, my fear has spread to such an extent that I no longer dared not leave the home except under a huge dose of tranquilizers. I crawled through the building, semi-conscious about happenings around me.
Due to some reorganization reasons, mid-1999. years (huh, so much I have endured, with no sick days!) as one of newest workers I'm getting fired.

Is not the logical consequence of all this was a depression? Of course.
Fear has become general, pills are piled up, and I was home - penniless.

And somehow I decided to visit a psychiatrist, somewhere shortly before failure. To me Amyzol and manages to solve my 'drog abuse' that I was then diagnosed (to depression and panic disorder).
After a short period of taking Amyzol, we went on Prozac + Xanax as needed and then I just seemed to come alive and be launched, 2000 re-employed and made the biggest mistake I could - I stopped going to psychotherapy. Medications I am still taking in the same dose, somewhere all by 2006. , when I was at my grandmother again experienced panic attacks, despite medication.

Well, then I made a decision about serious medical treatment. I even went three months of daily group therapy and day hospital - it was the best thing I did! It was fantastic: I realized that there are other problems, except mine, I became aware of some of their mistakes (such as avoidant behavior, etc.), and here I am, "started". Psychologist I was then told that we may be required and 5 years of psychotherapy, but the choice is up to me, or go through life miserable, or 5 visits to a psychiatrist and spend the rest of life well and with pleasure. Then it sounded to me scary, but today ... So it's been almost 3 years and I'm still alive, that is - not kill me, but strengthened.
Of course, I had to change several antidepesiva until we discovered the "right one" (even though this is not true, not true because, if there is no psychotherapy and lasting changes in behavior, thinking and attitudes).

I was overjoyed when I was in autumn 2005. without any difficulty spent alone two days in Vienna and then take a train back home - alone in the compartment, 8 hours of "riding". Sounds awful, but with every kilometer closer to home I was also kilometer away from the disease. After that came a joyride and bus from the train station to the house in which I enjoyed as never before - happy and proud of myself that I endured the whole time. I flourished out of luck!

And today happens to me to be shaken, I feel kind of stupid and unwarranted fear, but now that I'm aware and fight with it some new troops, some beautiful thoughts, just get mad at him (fear), and driven him away. Sometimes I swear it, and quietly. In most cases fallen!
What I want with all your heart, especially one that never falls so deeply as I was I inflamed, and then to all of you who are just starting out on the road or you have already come a part, have faith in yourself and faith in people that you want to help. It does not have to necessarily be your family - it was the family that, in an overwhelming desire to help, to inflict the most damage. It can be your friend, physician, professional literature, diary, blog ... and even some forum.

Well, I felt a little lazy lately so I wanted this fast to catch. I hope I succeeded.

Hug and kiss to everyone! Because - YOU CAN!