Thank you!

Oh, people, I almost cried with delight and so much support you give me, and I do not know. Actually, I'd be glad to get one and get to know. I'd like to get in touch with you all. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, I mean this is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH!

To be honest, I was a bit down so I could not be bothered to read and write (again surf the net and on Google and accidentally stumbling across a link to your blog, then said 'to see), and as I got on the cover - just God knows. In fact, I believe that he always knows what he's doing, and even now when I suffer like this.

A little more about me: 31 years old, divorced, a daughter 10 years old, live with my parents in Zagreb. When they collect a little courage, I'll leave and e-mail address.

23.06.2006. Friday

23:06:06. Friday

Before noon - Home - 3 symptoms
10:00 Xanax SR 1 mg + 11.00 Helex 0.125 mg Helex + 12.00 + 13.00 0.125 mg 0.125 mg Helex

Well I slept the night of 3 to 10 in the morning. But then ... Anxiety, depression, fear, reticence, withdrawal, nerazgovorljivost ... and all because you should see the control of the hospital and later at their general practitioner. All morning thinking how to get out of the house, to get to the hospital (alone can not drive, and the dad just can not count ...) Shortly before 13 o'clock start calling Dr. D.Š. the hospital to agree on the terms, but he does not manage to get it, is constantly there. Around 14 pm my dad comes home from work and says that ga kidney pain and can not drive me immediately but must rest. A doctor I work up to 16 hours. I continue to call around 15:20 and only I can get it and I'm trying to explain to her that today I will not be able to come, with the intention to seek another term. For me it is something like this: "I think this makes no sense, my recommendation was Seroxat (response to a query whether the worsening of my condition caused Zoloft), I think it's best to contact your doctor who you copied it. (Note: the doctor gave me a due date is still 29.08. Alive so who - who is dead - who's healthy by then). Otherwise, this deterioration can be doing Zoloft and should get better after three weeks. I found you a date for group therapy so call the Dr. and-and-and. Later, one. ' I exaggerate a little word, but to me it sounded sort of like 'clothes ..' Resident superb approach - the future psychiatrist, no nothing. There will surely be successful. And all previous appointments were missed by his fault, not mine.
Of course, catches me despair - I did so bad that doctors refuse me? I do not know what I'd taken. What next? I only think about the disease. And I know that it's bad.

Afternoon - Dr. GP
16:30 Helex 0.375 mg

Around 17 o'clock I go to a nearby clinic. Time is not so terribly hot and steamy as the previous day, so I said, to make at least something. I come up to the hospital, and in the hall, with no air, temperature 10 degrees higher than outside and probably 99% humidity nine people sitting in front of me. Sweat poured down the back and feel weak. I gave up. I started to cry. Do I have come to the point that I can not even go on any control? The doctor I work on Mon morning, so I'll try again. I'm really desperate already.

Evening - Walk - symptoms 2-4

I tired myself with despair. I go out to walk, at least five minutes. I manage to withstand the 30-minutes alone, with a little shiver, a little weak, a little dizzy ... But I manage. And returns home sweaty and wet as if someone spilled, also faltering. And outside, pleasantly fresh. Perversion.

20:00 Xanax SR 1 mg + 300 mg Ranital 22:00 + 00:00 Zoloft 50 mg
TOTAL DURING THE DAY: Zoloft 1 tbl / Helex 0.875 mg / Xanax SR 2 mg

22.06.2006. Thursday

22.06.2006. Thursday

During the day - Home - Symptoms intensity: 1/5
10:30 Xanax SR 1 mg + 0.125 mg Helex 12:30 + 16:30 Helex 0.125 mg
Come on, at least I slept through the night (from about 1 after midnight to 10 am). The whole day I got home, the thought of going from an apartment in this unbearable heat and sultriness fills me with a feeling of pins and needles horror and fear, and of course the weakness and dizziness. I became a prisoner in his house and the fans who vegetate all day. I feel despair and sorrow over herself because this is exactly what you should not do. Today is the daughter of my acquaintance was celebrating my birthday and baby and I were invited, but I was able to take so I'm told, and a small (10 yrs.), I, with great remorse, glossed over this birthday in the hope that forgot.
The instructions for Zoloft I read that the gradual improvement can already be seen for 7 days - today is my ninth day so hopefully it will improve soon be unhappy. After all, I doubt that we could be worse - my life these past 9 days was reduced to four walls and a fan. Poor and miserable, and now I'm dopizdilo. I decided in the evening, when it gets cold, get herself out of the apartment, even for 5 minutes to sit under the window.

Evening - Walk - Symptoms 2.5
Well, I went out alone, without escort and survived. Walk 25 minutes, though not too far from the building where I live, because I later overcome by humid heat discomfort, shortness of breath and dizziness, so I sped walk toward the house, but I made it! I came home all wet with sweat, the shirt I could squeeze - which from the humid heat of fear.
Is ... medication and therapy when I was just worse than anything (of the drugs we have been aggravated and departures at the controls just upset me). Trust in the ... Although I was somewhat easier by talking to a psychiatrist, that incentive is very short (a few hours). Basically, I'm happy and everything seems to me more that I have to pull myself out of trouble and this way you know and can do. Sucks.
Tomorrow afternoon I have to control, and other general practice should be with Dr. D.Š. There's no way to do a both - do not even know what to do a no way. Catches and passes me shiver to the bones - the fear of heat, from sunrise, of waiting, of weakness, of fear, of all ...
And on the job - and miserable from day to day miserable. Salary is late and does not know when he will, boss drank with nonsense instead get busy, debts are piling up and he is not doing anything ... It would take God, Allah and Buddha, if not even a deity that something positive happens to him. Sometimes it seems that the worse (or sicker) than me. However, I saw one when Tegretol pills on the table, I assume that its not know what it could be (7-8 months ago mentioned that he was going to brain CT or something). Maybe that's why there is somewhat understanding towards me? (Admittedly not too much, but certainly more than many other employers.)
19:00 Xanax SR 1 mg + 0.125 mg Helex 21:00 22:00 Ranital + 300 mg + 50 mg Zoloft 00:00
TOTAL DURING THE DAY: Zoloft 1 tbl / Helex 0.375 mg / Xanax SR 2 mg

21/06/2006. Wednesday

21/06/2006. Wednesday

During the day - Home - symptoms 2-3
9:00 SR 1 mg Xanax Zoloft + 12.5 mg (1/4 tbl)
09:45 Helex 0.125 mg + 12.00 mg Helex 0.125 + 0.125 mg Helex 16:00
Hot, nervous, weak, dizziness, anxiety ... While it was a bit colder I knew I sit at the computer and 'fun', and thoughts turn to do something, or translate for the firm, but in the room I was over 30 degrees and now it is at any time of the day is simply impossible. Thus my days are long and boring and hard in. ..

Evening - Dr. D.Š. (Control of the hospital) symptoms 4-5
18:30 Helex 0.5 mg
I'm on the verge of panic. I am not able to drive because of palpitations, dizziness, weakness ... I hate heat and heat, and no breath of wind.
Dad drives me to the hospital for an agreed control, but none of it - is a doctor on call, there is an emergency and there is no time to receive me. At the same time I feel and understanding but also a disappointment because I barely dragged there, waited for an hour and then turned back home. The equally weak and shaky legs, and my condition is getting worse. Sometimes I think of that and I just answer the urgent (I know that's rude, but if that is the only way ...) The first time I ordered the control I was looking for was in the hospital for more than half an hour and by chance came upon her in the Admissions Department, the second time she was outside so I received another doctor, this is the third time today ... I'm starting to do that makes little sense to come here ... Only further upset. And burdens the family because I am not alone in not able to reach the controls.
Pretty bothers me the inability to talk to someone about their problems. If you are a mom and engages in conversation, my daughter, but after a few minutes 'nakenja' to see what was going on, which made me stop and quite upset. Sometimes ask her to leave us alone, and then I'm out of my life because I know that it is quite worried, and I failed to hide from her problems. This additional burden for me. My mother only partly understood (similar disease / disorder is passed), but the climax is itself obsolete, and can often be rude and inconsiderate and porječkamo. Father makes little understanding (when it is more or less boils down to this: 'Leave the cigarette and take a job' (which I broke up in the end)), and my daughter is very worried. A conversation I miss her very much. I have friends with whom I could share it and feel really lonely. Besides, even if I did, where I could say, "When I close the door of the apartment, my hands start to shake you barely locked. And when I go to the elevator and out, cut off my legs, I run out of air and spinning it. And that fear. Admittedly undefined and unreasonable. Do not worry, it's not contagious, so we can hang out "- I think that anyone remotely normal (except maybe a medic) ran like hell.
20:30 Ranital 300 mg + 37.5 mg Zoloft 23:40 (3/4 tbl) + 1 mg Xanax SR
TOTAL DURING THE DAY: Zoloft 1 tbl / Helex 0.875 mg / Xanax SR 2 mg

20.06.2006. Tuesday

20.06.2006. Tuesday

Morning - General practitioner - 5 Symptoms
Zoloft 12.5 mg (1/4 tbl) + Helex 0.5 mg (about 7.00)
Last night I fell asleep around midnight and woke up about half of 7th Every night I sleep a little longer. Madness.
I had a severe bout of panic in the waiting room, which worsened in the office. He tells me my Dr you have any more Helexa 0.5 mg (about 9.00), and I do, barely pulling the tablet out of a wallet. The horror, the legs do not hold, dizziness in the head, arms and legs numb, poluukočene, on the edge of consciousness. The only thing that makes me somewhat more cheerful now is the fact that I was able to endure and wait to finish eight patients before me. I even managed to get and bring the car to the house (albeit with a 25% concentration and the 40-odd miles an hour - good thing I'm not far away). And of course, the eternal companion, mostly moms. Basically, we extended sick leave (I am still on sick leave for the stomach that code K29), and I need to get control on Friday.

During the day - Home - symptoms 2
Helex 0.5 mg (13.30) + Helex 0.5 mg (17.00 pm)
I suck. Heat destroys me. I recall the 90th-and-some when I got heatstroke. A very ugly thing. Since then dread the heat, ločem water like crazy, drink vitamins, swallow glucose and other sweets, avoid the sun, heat and sultriness (I hate the sea during the day over the summer), and when it can not be avoided, then we get sick regularly, accurately seized scare me (at least I assume it was panic). Disaster.

Evening - Walk - symptoms 3-1
Well, as for the dependence of man. I ran out of cigarettes, I can not send anyone to buy them for me and this would fire .... Nothing. Get ready, shivering, sweating, dizziness and the heart palpitations and going to a nearby kiosk shaky step on weak legs. Buy cigarettes, go to the house and then I realize that nothing really happened, even to me, and somewhat milder symptoms, and for another two laps around the building, despite the terrible heat of summer without a breath of wind. She came home all proud of myself - walk unaccompanied (even a short, to the extent possible) at a time that suits me quite a better thing than when I have to adapt to some of 'escort'. I go wherever I want, when I want and how I can. I go home before it grabs me panic, because if you grab me, I will not be afraid to come out. Oh, how I now smart and brave, after I 'full' Helex and sitting at home near the fan.
And the instructions for Helex says something roughly like: "If you experience side effects such as insomnia, BLUĐENJA ... tell your doctor ... ". So, when I was bad, my daughter says, "Have you beyond your pill for BLUĐENJE so you better be kissing and you'll feel better." I have to laugh. Short but sweet because it's just mine!
Ranital 300 mg (about 19 h) + Zoloft 25 mg + 1 mg Xanax SR (new therapy (about 21h))

19.06.06. Monday

19.06.06. Monday

Morning - At Home - symptoms 2-3
Zoloft 12.5 mg (1/4 tbl) + 0.5 mg Helex
Come on, last night I slept so much. Last night I fell asleep around midnight, woke up at about 5 this morning, but I was able to sleep again at no extra exhibition with tableturinama. Already I'm a little disgusted, and they and their side effects. I do not feel anything other than deterioration.
Today is my 6-th day to take zoloft and I should start drinking whole tablet (50 mg), but I still decided to drink in the morning 1/4, and in the evening 1/2 tbl order to mitigate some potential side effects. I noticed that my one little yawns and sleepy, and nauseated. And of course, the deterioration of the general condition. I hope it will pass.
With a job like no answer, but I do not them, and considering that there is not some sort of special events (except turning off the phone lines, the Internet, etc. 'shit') then we do not really miss. E-mails to Inbox office has nothing, or at least none that concerned me (I check at home). Slightly translate some materials just to spend time and distract themselves.
I got a bit to the terrace on top of the building (instead of a roof terrace have) this morning around 10 More comfortable than in an apartment because he feels a breeze, but only in the shade. The sun is hell. I was up for about 45 minutes and wiped back home because I have no peace, just sit in the shade. She turned on the fan and sat at the computer. It's kinda fun to me, even when I do (and mostly do it for the games, especially those tense, adrenalin, no nerves). Trying out new programs, scribbling this diary, little blog (http://anksioznost123.blog.hr) and so ...
I began spending more time at home, which worries me. A van no strength to get out - I was hot, I was weak, my legs do not keep in mind a strange feeling on the edge of consciousness.

Afternoon - home - symptoms 1-2
Helex 0.5 mg
Nothing worth mentioning. I drag it from bed to bed and wearing fan for them. And surfing. A period. Here's a winning combination: a change in the drug + heat + slightly lower pressure (110/70)

Evening - shopping center - 5 Symptoms
Helex 0.5 mg before departure
Wow, coma, I almost collapsed at the store. And it did not even enter. We waited in line to give away returnable packaging, and I felt so bad that my dad had to take me home for about 10 minutes before we come to order. My mom and my daughter stayed. Arrived home, quickly pouring cold water, candy in your mouth, cold water, turbo salty sandwich ... and all other first aid used by heart patients, diabetics, and all other niskotlakaši kojje know and do not know. Funny and stupid. And of course, after half an hour we be better, but I was exhausted and tense.
Maybe I should not go because my condition deteriorated so much that now I'm afraid to get out of the apartment. Already I'm going out in a common hallway on the floor with me cause trembling and fear. While comforting to me all of the initial deterioration and reactions to new drugs, not to me it does not help. It is not pleasant to know that you are a prisoner of your own apartment and stupid disease that has nothing to do with cleverness. So who are afraid to walk normal? Especially when it gets cold outside and be comfortable. Instead I enjoy, I can virtually aborting the floor in fear. For a goof! But I'm a bit angry at the disease, the drugs, the heat and everything else!
Upon returning I called Dr. Ž.P. (I'll post it in the summer on psychotherapy, in DZ), which I definitely recommend to go with a SR Xanax 1 mg, 0.5 mg and Helex to drink every four hours. Well hell I'll become a zombie from so many pills!
Zoloft 25 mg + 300 mg + Ranital Helex 0.5 mg

18.06.2006. Sunday

18.06.2006. Sunday

during the day
hAt Home - symptoms 3-4
Helex 0.5 mg (about 9.00) + Helex 0.5 mg (about 13:00) + Helex 0.5 mg (about 17.00)
I got up a little before 9 pm.
The whole day I was really bad. The heat is killing me, as I'll jump out of your skin, which they fear for her. All day I feel weakness in my apartment is 30 ° C. I have neither the power nor the will to get to anything that would derail me at least a little thought to the problems - just listen and look for. I devour turbo salted food and massive amounts of water from the fear of falling pressure. Is there something I'm not afraid??? In fact, it currently can not think of anything. Admittedly, I was gone somewhere lump out of my throat which I have already made ​​friends because they reminded me it was time to drink Helex (or that I forgot to take it) ...

Evening - Walk - Symptoms 4.5
When the heat let up a bit I went out with my dad and daughter for a walk, but after a 30-minute fills me indescribable anxiety, fear and weakness, and mračenje sight and flee home. It seems to me from day to day all up, but we still hope that it is a PMS combined with the heat and the initial side effects of Zoloft's. Mild nausea.
Zoloft 25 mg + 300 mg + Ranital Helex 0.375 mg (3/4 tbl of 0.5 mg)

SATURDAY, 17.06.2006.

SATURDAY, 17.06.2006.

In the morning and throughout the day:
Helex 0.5 mg (about 8 am)
We need to go to Grandma's house, and I like a nervous dog, which of sleepless nights, and they fear what will happen. I know - irrational - but why it's considered a disorder. None of the other drugs I took in order to avoid the side effects of the extra day when we really are and they do not need.
Helex 0.5 mg (about 11:45) + Helex 0.5 mg (about 17.30)
All-day agitation, constant frightened, dizziness and vision problems. We drove up to my grandmother on my father and I's dismissal, although the mileage is actually funny, and until two months ago I was not a problem. No way you can relax with my grandmother (lives in the village), despite the fact that I barely met her bitch and licked me all the happiness to see me. Of course it pleased me, but ... Somehow I do not feel pleasure in things that delighted me before and I can not relax so I could enjoy in anything. Even I had been taken and weakness and desks due to nervousness. And trembling slightly with the occasional lack of air.
About 15 hours, I got some sleep. Moving and nausea. It's pretty hot and muggy day.
Around 19 pm we head back to Zagreb (I struggled to return the same day because the thought of another night like this last year, but outside the home, is filled with horror). Still dizziness and vision problems. And, of course, fear. Yet I ride the first few miles, but the concentration we soon fall and dizziness and vision problems caused me more stress, which in turn followed by muscle rigidity and tremors and so control cars leave dad, but that to me is an added stress because of the worse driver than me, so that's my reason for additional fear. DISASTER!
We finally rolled home and became calmer. But I feel heartburn.
Evening:
Sulpiride today I skipped completely (intentionally because I'm afraid of my insomnia and intense discomfort caused by him), and taking
Zoloft 25 mg + 300 mg Ranital. Bedtime planning and Helex 0.5 mg in hopes of at least a little sleep.
While I should be happy as the day went at least somewhat successful, I do not feel anything 'victory' except uncertainty regarding side effects and nights in front of me. Even more so since I took Zoloft before tonight.

FRIDAY, 16.06.2006.

FRIDAY, 16.06.2006.

In the morning and throughout the day: Helex 0.5 +0.25 +0.25 +0.5 mg
Zoloft 25 mg in the morning
Sulpiride 50 mg (about noon) - the second capsule prescribed for today because we did not take the pressure is lower and without
Although I fell asleep in the wee hours, but before 7 o'clock this morning, I woke up. I look at the clock, I lie back and doze lightly, even for an hour again, and again ... and I raise around 9.30, all scared and upset.
The whole day I got home and I feel pretty bad: a constant high anxiety and concern, tremors, dizziness, weakness, shortness of breath, depression for deterioration ...
Parents afternoon were at the funeral of Dad's colleagues - they asked me to take them, but I just could not because I felt really bad. Like all day, anyway. It's hot.
Is this a result of taking any new medications? The Sun took'm just Helex and felt almost normal, and this is yesterday and today is a disaster.
My tomorrow want to go to Grandma's house (50-odd km from Zagreb) and want to go with them because they think that I would use. I'm not really much to it, but I refuse them for a long time so ... For me there last time (around Easter) struck first terrible panic attack after three years and terribly afraid, but my dad says that the drive (and the fear that drives it worse than me). Would remain overnight. Horror is in my bones.
Me a little frightened of going out during the day, while the heat. When you get outside after dark (and it gets cold) - I will break the sun for easier breathing.

evening:
Helex 0.5 mg at bedtime + Ranital 300 mg
Asleep at midnight, woke up at 2 after midnight - all anxious, tense, constricted muscles, scared - awful. I do not know what to do with themselves, own my skin is tight. I can not stand it any longer and take
Apaurin 2 mg - Mom sees the light in the room and comes to me to lie in bed (just freaky). She dozed beside me and I peg. If it were not tragic, it would be funny. Around 4:30 we finally began to yawn and I slept until 7:30 in the morning.